Ye be a cow, matey. Well, the crew reckons ye do. Cow Imposter be a free wee 3D game that sails in yer browser, nothin' to download. Ye live on a small Alpine meadow with a lake, a barn, a windmill and a cliff, among a crew of about thirty cows who graze, moo, poop and raise calves. All ye must do be blend in. Yer score be how long ye manage it, and there be an online leaderboard.
Who ye will meet
You, the stowaway: a black and white cow on the meadow in Cow Imposter 
The crew: thirty very real cows grazin' on the Alpine meadow 
The farmer with his guitar: he brings the drink, milks the crew and one day brings a cutlass 
The Alps at sunset in Cow Imposter, a cow on a golden hillside 
The bull, a hopeless romantic: press H to flirt 
Calves: yer little copycats, they follow everything ye do 
The farmer's sea dog: chases birds and loves everyone 
Landlubbers at the fence: hikers, families and cyclists with cameras 
The sea wolf comes out at night: stay with the crew 
The flute girl, the meadow's musician: when she plays, the crew calms down 
Night on the meadow in Cow Imposter: stars, a sleepin' crew and the sea wolf
Why the crew smells a stowaway
Cows don't sprint. They gawk at landlubbers, they don't flee the milkin' and they don't stand frozen for a whole minute. Do any of that too often and the crew figures out ye be no cow of theirs. Oh, and mind yer hunger, thirst and poop bars.
What else be goin' on
The farmer brings the drink, swabs up and milks ye. He also has a cutlass, so mind yer manners. There be bulls who take romance a mite too serious, a sea dog, calves who copy whatever ye do, landlubbers who want a portrait with ye and a sea wolf that prowls at night. The weather turns, sometimes mighty fierce. Some days a flyin' ship floats by, some nights somethin' stranger. The tractor has seen better voyages, the apples be not always just apples, and I wouldn't stand too near the cliff. When it all goes to Davy Jones, the camera pulls back and ye see exactly how.
Treasure I won't explain
Plenty in this game be explained nowhere, on purpose. There be a cave if ye find the way in, a photobooth, a booth that records yer moo for the whole crew, a family tree of yer calves and a wee graveyard up the hill. I also buried ten trading cards about the map. Find all ten and I'll post ye a real printed holo card. Where they be, I'll never tell.
Kids mode and Hardcore
I wanted somethin' fit for the littlest deckhands, so there be Kids mode: no cutlass, nobody run over, a curious fox instead of the sea wolf, a fence at the cliff, slower bars, and the cow just faints instead of meetin' Davy Jones. Kids scores stay on the device. Hardcore sails the other way: no bars on screen, no second chance, metal the whole voyage and its own leaderboard.
How to sail her
On a keyboard: WASD to walk, Shift to trot, the mouse to look about, hold E to graze, drink or use things, M to moo, hold P to poop, C to lie down, H to flirt, G for a power-up, L for the leaderboard and Space for the menu. Every key can be changed in the menu. Gamepads work too, with remappable buttons and a good rumble. On a phone or tablet ye get a thumb stick and big buttons. A jolly sea dog reads the messages aloud and warns ye before ye blow yer cover.
Free, and a Pirate tongue
She sails at cowimposter.com in a normal browser on near anythin': Windows, Mac, Linux, Chromebooks, Android, iPhone and iPad. Nothin' to install, no account, not a doubloon to spend. It speaks English, Czech, Polish, Slovak, German, Spanish, Brazilian Portuguese, French and Pirate, voice and all. Pick Pirate in the menu and the whole meadow turns pirate: an eye patch and a hat for ye, a peg-legged farmer, rum instead of water, sea shanties and pirate names for every beast.
Ahoy, I be Filip
That be me in the picture. I live in the Czech Republic and I build Cow Imposter on me own. She set sail in October 2026 and she's still in beta, so I'm patchin' her up most days. If ye be writin' about her, use any picture on this page (click one for the full size). For gameplay video, GIFs or a question, send a bottle to filip.mmasek@gmail.com, in English or Czech.
Questions the crew asks
- What be Cow Imposter?
- A free browser game where ye be a cow pretendin' to be a normal cow. Ye live with a crew on a mountain meadow and must eat, drink, poop and moo like the rest, or they notice. Yer score be how long ye last.
- Who built her?
- Me, Filip Mašek. I hail from the Czech Republic and it be just me aboard, no studio or publisher.
- What does she cost?
- Not a doubloon. No download, no account, nothin' to buy.
- Be she fit for young deckhands?
- Aye, in Kids mode. No cutlass, no sea wolf, nobody run over, a fence at the cliff, and fainting instead of walkin' the plank. The normal game be cartoonish and silly rather than gory, though cows do meet their end, sometimes in fine dramatic style.
- What be the trading card treasure?
- I hid ten trading cards on the meadow. Find all ten, tell the game where to send it, and I'll post ye a real printed holo card. Where they be hidden, I'll never tell.
- What tongues does she speak?
- English, Czech, Polish, Slovak, German, Spanish, Brazilian Portuguese, French and Pirate, all with voice. The game picks yer browser's language, and ye can switch to Pirate (or any other) in the menu.
- What changes when I pick Pirate?
- Everythin' talks like a pirate and a jolly sea dog reads it aloud. Yer cow wears an eye patch and a pirate hat, the farmer stomps about on a wooden leg, the cows drink rum, the balloon becomes a flyin' pirate ship under the Jolly Roger, and every calf, bull and dog gets a pirate name.
- Where do I send a bottle?
- To filip.mmasek@gmail.com, in English or Czech.